he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
