I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
sorry didnāt mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I tried to get the guy I like to āspit shakeā on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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