At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
