then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
