know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
