ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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