frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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