The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
