I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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