hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
