I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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