it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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