My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
