when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
