you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
