Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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