singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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