It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
