the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
