After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
