i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
