Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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