Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
