Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize