It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
