Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
