How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
