I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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