Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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