I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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