be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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