He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
