You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize