First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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