nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
