I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
