okay pat passed out under dana's car
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
