Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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