at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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