I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
