i think my mom watched the whole time
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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