Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i will never coherently bang her
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
