we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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