I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
