My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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