this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
