Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
