If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
