My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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