so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
