So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
