so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've blown a few things in my day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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