I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
