I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
