Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize