I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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