I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
