I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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