Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
vagina is talking i cant
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
