i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
