I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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