Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
