I am puke
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
