Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
