The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
