I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
