I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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