How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
