I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
