It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
