i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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