this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
