omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
time to smoke my breakfast
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
