he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
