Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
