STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
