oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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